who needs character info when you have TIFFLENS

1. I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

2. Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Shan and cats"

3. Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.

4. I'll say this one last time. You are [AGE] YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life.

5. I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.

6. I just gave a homeless man a ride back to his bench. This city’s weird but I like it.

7. Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.

8. Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?

9. The sign in front of IHOP says "designated drivers get half off their order"